#4

Hey Mom,

I miss you.

It's been rough lately. I keep skipping out on work and classes. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by accident. I'm not doing well in any of my classes. I have all C's right now. In terms of my GPA, my saving graces are my advanced makeup class, my theatre practicum (assistant directing) and a couple final tests/papers that will be done in the upcoming weeks.

I am going home this weekend. It will be sad to know you won't be there, but I'll come and visit you. Dad has gone off the deep end. He's being scammed, sending thousands of dollars to some 'woman in ecuador". Jimmy won't stay at home- which is an improvement but he won't move into his apartment, he just keeps staying over at other people's apartments: Emma's, Lauren's, probably the Stanek's as well. It's really disappointing.

Emma keeps herself busy and tries not to associate with that kind of negative energy. which I understand, to a point, but as a minister-to-be, I feel like she should try to be more compassionate.

Dan is starting to put up some red flags. He bought a brand new car because he wouldn't clean up a cheese spill in his crappy car. He is very wasteful, and would rather throw something out then repurpose it or donate it if it inconveniences him. He's also been kind of insensitive to my feelings about your death. I yelled at him for that. and i'm hoping that changes his attitudes. If it doesn't, then he is G-O-N-E.

#3

This letter was originally written down on a piece of paper

Dear mom,

I'm sitting in french class after missing 2 days in a row because i slept in. I'm mad at myself for missing class but my body needed the sleep.

We're watching a french film called The Chorus. It reminds me that I'm supposedd to watch the french film for my honors credit. I wonder if I can find the film(s) online that way I wouldn't have to drag myself to the library to watch the reserved copies.

As much as I like that we're watching a movie in class, I wish we were reviewing for the test. I am very behind and I need all the practice I can get. Between French and Literary Narrative I will probably go back and do past french homework, even if I won't get points for it. I need the practice.

Knowing me, I'll end up surfing the internet instead. :/  I should be proud that I even made it to french class today.

They have started to sing! (in the film)

I will probably post this onto my blog (no duh)

this pen feels like the equivalent of writing with a quill. it feels fancy. It feels as though i should be writing everything in cursive. 

That's all for now, mom. I hope you are doing well and having a party with funny hats, like the Trevors do. Enjoy. For now, I must press onward.

Love,

your wiggle worm

#2

Hey Mom,

It's me. I'm at rehearsal, thinking about you. missing you. i can barely keep myself from crying. I feel like I am falling apart at the seams. I feel like I can't stay strong for much longer. I wouldn't want to disappoint you in that way. but i know that i'm allowed to be weak every now and again. "weak" i'm allowed to emote is more like it. I have 2 hours left of rehearsal, my back is in knots and i'm miserable. I wish you were here. If you were here, then i wouldn't be in so much pain. then my life would be normal. but that is not what happened. You are dead and in heaven and you have left me behind to wither away on earth. eventually i will live my life and go on. but right now, i have fallen into the pit of sorrow and I am forever stuck.
i'm thirsty. the girl next to me has a big cup of water.
in a perfect world, i would have a massage and a visit to the chiropractor and  chocolate ice cream and wearing my ravenclaw pants and a tshirt and curl up under the covers and fall into the deepest of sleeps

#1

October 7th, 2015

Dear mom,

I miss you.

Today has been another fairly good day. After several days of weeping, eating chocolate ice cream, and talking to half a dozen friends, I am starting to feel more like myself. I am hoping it is because I am all cried out for the time being. Or maybe that spending this time alone and thinking of myself is therapeutic practice. Granted, its only been a few days that I have really truly have been devoting to myself. I still have to get rid of scott but that shouldn't be too hard. I just need to detox from guys, from hatred, from grief, from a lot of things. I hope these good days keep up. I need to be able to function.

Rehearsal has been in motion for about twenty minutes now. I feel so useless. Any suggestions I give the director she doesn't seem to want to use. As a director myself, I understand having a vision and wanting to stick to it, it is just frustrating, knowing that I am doing this for the experience and feeling like I can't do anything.

The ASM keeps staring at my computer screen. I can see you Megan, don't think I can't! Haha. 

I think I will actually be working on some of my homework during rehearsal. I suddenly feel the need to be productive. Maybe I will pass this semester afterall.

Nevermind. I did one posting- and not in full either- and I have found myself at an impasse. Not only do I not know the material enough to write a post on it, but the one other film that I did watch, there is not an assigned posting for it.

Thanks for listening mom.

Please give me love to Auntie Cheryl, Uncle Tom, Gramby and Gramp, and of course Great Grandmother Louise.